I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
