This girl is more easily done than said...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
