He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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