I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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