At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
