i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
