Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
