Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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