If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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