i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
