That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
