Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
