I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
