This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
