hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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