And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
