a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
