Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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