I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
