and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
the day after is always just damage control
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
