I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
