He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
