so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
