good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize