Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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