Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
