I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
