conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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