can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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