Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
