How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
