we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize