At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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