So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
