ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
wow bdsm is so cute
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