apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
