I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
