The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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