Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
