did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Of course I have a pirate flag
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Randomize
