I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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