my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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