Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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