he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
