we have officially lost it.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
