she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize