Where is the hickey?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize