Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
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