That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
