I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
