you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
