We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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