The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
