I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
