The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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