How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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