i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
