the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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