When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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