Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
