in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
