My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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