Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
