remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
