His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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