No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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