that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize