I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
