As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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