all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
How does one acquire holy water?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
