sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
