You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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