Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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