he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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