So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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